Constipation, Diarreah, Laser Hair, Job Interview

Saturday, June 19, 2010

What do these things have in common? They all happened today....

Sorry for the lack of updates guys...I dont know if I mentioned that I am getting married in 5 months. Which means I have been a busy bee planning shower stuff, which is going to happen in a month from now, the bachelorette and of course the wedding...

Constipation

I cant poo. Thats right you heard me, I cant poo. But thats no biggie, ive never been able to go poo as often as most people do. I have bowel movements maybe once a week...sometimes 8-9 days...
But ive been like this since I was young, so it doesnt bother me.

Diarreah

A while back my friend Stacey told me to buy this magnesium drink from Meijers cause she said its incredible for “unblocking” and “cleaning out”. For some reason beyond me, last night I decided to drink the little bottle before bed, in hopes that overnight it would soften my stool and just come out before I had to go to work. (Gross, I know, but bear with me im going somewhere with this..)

3 AM hits, and I feel a rumblin....i've gotta go. I “went” all the way up until 7 AM...i couldnt get off the damn toilet...and my butt felt like it was going to fall off.

All day at work I felt the urge to splurge...but managed to keep it at bay by not consuming any more liquid than necessary. 1:00 hits, and I have to leave work cause I have a Laser Hair Removal appt at 2:00.

Laser Hair Removal

I get to the clinic and grab a seat waiting to be called up...then it gurgles again...oh no...it hits me..no, not the poop..the stupidity. WHY would I have drank that damn thing the day before im getting my who-haw and poo-paw lasered??!! (I get a lot of stuff done, so I totally forgot what I was having done today..)

So the girl is being totally sweet, i've never had her before. Her name was Hollie. Talking to me, trying to make me comfortable with the fact that shes about to probe me for 2 hours in my most precious places......

Gurgle Gurgle

SHIT! Literally!! My stomach is ready to go, and I have to clench, but the poor girl wants to get in my butt, but I cant let her get in just yet, so she starts on my legs, then works her way up....i know she either knew something was up or she thinks I was raped in the butt in a past lifetime.....

Hollie - “Are you doing ok?”
Me - “Oh yeah. As good as I can be for having things that close to my privates..haha.he...heh..” sigh

Job Interview

So we continue talking about any and everything..and it turns into a semi interview! Well no, not really...but she did flat out tell me to apply, and exactly when to apply.... She also mentioned that the the girl that I had 6 weeks earlier, Amy, who did my nipples, armpits and upper lip (Yeah, im hairy ok...I cant stand body hair!!) was talking to her about me and about how much SHE liked me, and how she had said she wanted me to work there too!

Rewind to back to the first person I had at this clinic who was doing my laser all over my body, Barb, shes seen me head to toe naked...SHE used to ask me to apply there all the time! And to give her my resume, and shed make it happen...all I had to do was leave the dermatologist im currently working for....

ANYWAYS....I finished up the session, but didnt have the heart to tell Hollie why I was so “tight” and tensed up... I didnt want her to know she was inches away from an explosion....lol

After paying for my treatment, Barb came out and gave me a hug and said long time no see, and basically said to the girls that she wanted me to work there! Think its a sign or what? Lol

ANYWHO the purpose of this post was....I cant believe how awesome my coochie is. All I had to do was flash my privates, and people were THROWING jobs at me.....I guess all I need to do now is set up an interview and go in naked! Hahaha

Im going to hand out resumes like that one day and see how many call backs I get.

alright ladies, i'll be back with something more interesting later...

Jennifer said...

If someone sees you naked and they still like, you're bound to end up great friends!

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