Shes no Betty Crocker...

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Thats it. Enoughs enough!

I've always had this issue with cooking.....i cant.
And i swore to my fiancee that once we got our own home, i'd put an honest effort into trying to make something other than starchy spaghetti..(thank god for spell check. can any of you really write spaghetti right the first time? dammit..i cant cook or spell food names like normal people either)

Anyways, since we got out new home (April 9th), i've been showing up to the house and i'll either start working on house projects and clean up, or i end up falling asleep on the couch till my fiancee makes dinner. then he wakes me up or summons me from my current project, and we eat. Yesterday after eating non-starchy spicy mushroom pasta (which i overkill with cheeses), my sweet sweet loveable fiancee says to me...
"so...when is it your turn to cook? Cause I've been the only one cooking since we got here..."

HOW DARE YOU!!! DONT YOU KNOW I HAVE PANIC ATTACKS WHEN PUT ON THE SPOT ABOUT COOKING!?!?

Its not that i dont want to...i just get so afraid that its going to turn out bad...I've had alot of embarrassing incidents at work too, which make up another 60% of why im terrified. Really tho, how hard could it be to just follow a recipe? or instructions on the back of a box...

YOU TELL ME.
I have officially done this twice at work with my poptarts. No one will let me bring them to work anymore...

Quaker oatmeal istructions are clearly not clear enough for me..You shoulda seen the inside of the microwave..
Neither of these photos are mine, but out of all the other searches on google, they seemed pretty dead on.



I will admit i've done some VERY stupid things....OMG the worst was prolly microwaving a boiled egg...
 

Now DONT JUDGE ME! I know good and well you cant reheat an egg in the microwave..but i figured 12 seconds never hurt nobody...WRONG! I wish i had pictures of what happened to my lips...

The egg BURST and all this steam came out and the whole inside of the egg turned to what looked like confetti and silly string!! and this HUGE blister immediately formed on my upper lip!!! It oozed and was HUGE for like 2 weeks....NEVER AGAIN! I actually didnt eat eggs for a long time after that....I had to get my egg source from mcdonalds! people who know how to do it right!!

Okay, so i have a hair appointment in an hour, and i need to get up and get ready....i just wanted to share my life of "cooking" with you...I think i will try to get a post going and photos of what i did to make my creations so that you can all see that im not doing a damn thing wrong...its just FATE or something that has doom written all over my kitchen....*SIGH*

Photos of my hair later? sure. why not. since all the photos in this post were NOT mine...but thanks to google image search anyways...I know my photos had i of taken any, would have been WAYYYYY better...way more mess...seriously....


Jennifer said...

I guess you should probably keep trying, but stay away from microwaves for the safety of the public.

Really it takes a couple of years to become a good cook, and there will be some casualties along the way. Hopefully only small animals or people you don't like.

MariamMonroe said...

a few years??

Jesus, i've got 6 months before im a wife...i need to find fools recipes, that looked complicated...fast.

Shawn Tina said...

this is what i've learned through my cooking adventures - stop thinking so much! put on some music, open some wine and start simple. my sister sounded a lot of like you - she blew up a meatload - but since living together, i think she's pick up on my very zen cooking attitude, and now well she's stuffing chicken breasts and making risotto.


http://lachercheuse-accidentelles.blogspot.com/

MariamMonroe said...

really??? can i come live with you??

its just so stressful.. even looking for a recipe gives me anxiety, cause im not sure if i can replicate the foods..

i will try soon though...

Kate said...

Mariam, I think the problem is you do not have a leopard print apron like the one I showed you @ my house ;-)

www.jessiesteele.com

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